Grace isn’t people pleasing

As I sat at the bottom of the stairs in our family townhome, I can remember the fear and angst that I felt, as I heard my parents arguing upstairs. These kinds of childhood experiences led me to a people pleasing way of doing life. Although, I don't remember what my parents were arguing about, those kinds of experiences began to take hold in my life.

I was a kid that had been trained from an early age to behave well, do well and all will be well. At least, that was my early belief in my life, but as I found out continually, that formula, didn't always work out so well. I would behave but still get the blame and I would do well but not get noticed or validated. It was a cycle that I continued into my adult life, that brought me much pain and frustration.

Pleasing people as a mode of operating life can be so heavy. Everything I would do in life, and I do mean "everything" was always with the motive of how can I get loved, validated, seen, accepted....and the list goes on and on. I'm sure I've hit on something here that you may struggle with from time to time in your own life. I was always on a fix up job in my life in one way or another. I was either letting myself down, other people and primarily God. The bar of expectation for acceptance was always moving and I could never get where I wanted to be.

In the gospel of John, we find that Jesus shared with his disciples that he was all they needed. He loved, validated and shared with them all of the time so that they would come to understand that their works were not going to get them what they wanted. What this means is that faith in Jesus had to come at the beginning of any work that they did. If that key componant isn't in place first, nothing behind the comma matters in the Kingdom of God. When we put faith in God, through accepting his beloved Son, we say that we are in agreement that Jesus is enough for all of our lives. He paid the full penalty of our sin, He loved with his whole self, He provided a fullness in completing the reconciliation that was needed to get back to God. When He said it was finished, it was FINISHED!

Some verses that I have grown to love through the last 15 years of growing in Jesus are these-

John 1:17

For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

Acts 20:24

But none of these things move me; nor do I count my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

Romans 1:5a

Through Him (Jesus) we have received grace...

Romans 4:4

Now to him who works, the wages are not counted as grace but as debt.

When I began to see that living “in Grace” was different that “Pleasing Others” my whole life changed. It all starts with the heart! I lived most of my life to the age of 40 with a heart that had been mistreated. I thought it was my job to get my heart fixed. What I didn't realize was that Jesus had already healed my broken heart at the age of 5 when I accepted him as my Savior. But, you may be thinking that a 5 year old doesn't have the wounds of the heart yet, so how does this work? I was always trying to get others to tell me I was worth something, when Jesus had already done that. Life's stuff always got the vote until I came to know that Jesus on board (in my heart) brought all that I ever needed. It's all wrapped up in Him…COMPLETELY! Since he is in my heart or putting it another way, I had His heart in me, we were fully loved and valued by our Father. No matter what I am feeling! Oh, yeah, those feelings are usually what is getting the vote. For example: I don't feel loved, or valued, so I must not be loved or valued. Our feelings can lie to us when we listen to them as the compass.

People pleasing is born out of an old system of feelings verses a gracious spirit toward one another.

People pleasing has an expectation of something at the end of the task. Grace is a gift towards another with no applause required. We can have a desire for fellowship with one another, on the backside of graciousness, but we can't make that happen.

John 3:16 shows us this - God gave His one and only Son and He desires for all to come to Him, but not all will say yes to his gracious gift.

I am so grateful that I have the opportunity to share with you God's grace. We have an enemy that wants you to think that you're just too far gone and that you just need to try harder. Please don’t buy into this anymore. If you'd like to talk more about this, please contact me.

It took a time of crisis in my life to reach out for help regarding this. You don't have to wait for the crisis to come, just reach out. God is Love and Grace to all who call upon Him.

Prayer: Thank You, Jesus, for dying for my sins and thank you for Your grace, forgiveness and love. I receive You.